Though You Can Render No Reason
by da-angel729
Summary: Lee's mutiny and escape with Laura Roslin have repercussions he never could have imagined. Set immediately after the episode "Home".
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Written for the 2009-2010 **pilotsbigbang** at LiveJournal. Title comes from this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: _Trust your instinct to the end, though you can render no reason. _As always, feedback and con crit appreciated!

**Though You Can Render No Reason**

**Part One**

_"Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson_

"Captain Adama, please report to the Commander's quarters."

Lee sighed as the announcement came over the intercom. He set his pen down on top of the weekly CAP schedule, which he'd been trying to fix for the past four hours. Lieutenant Birch had completely frakked it up, and it wouldn't work out to Lee's satisfaction. The schedule was so screwed up Hotdog had pulled two double shifts in two days, and Lee had pulled a triple shift himself two days in a row to give the other pilots a break.

Exhaustion and guilt steeped through him as he made his way through _Galactica_'s corridors. He acknowledged the smiles and nods from the crewmembers he passed, but didn't speak to anyone. Lee wasn't feeling up to discussing personnel problems he couldn't fix. The pilots worked too hard and there weren't any more recruits trained yet. He made a mental note to ask the Commander to put another class through training with Kara. Though no one had complained, Lee couldn't help but feel he'd let his pilots down when he'd left.

When he'd pulled his gun on Colonel Tigh, he hadn't seen any other way to make his point—both his father and the President had committed wrongs against each other and he couldn't let them destroy the Fleet.

Of course, that had nearly happened anyway.

Lee stopped and took a deep breath as he reached the Commander's quarters. With the civility and excruciatingly military courtesy they'd used to interact on Kobol, he and his father hadn't really moved on from their disagreement. Well, Lee amended, his father hadn't. Yet he still didn't feel quite comfortable around his father and he knew Bill felt the same way about him. Lee knew he hadn't done anything wrong, except _technically_ he should've tried to relieve Tigh of command _before_ pulling his gun on Tigh. But in the end, the President had capitulated. She'd been right about not wanting bloodshed, yet he couldn't help but wish she'd decided that before he'd pulled a gun on the XO.

"Captain?"

Lee's eyes snapped open and he met the guard's inquisitive gaze. Lee shrugged at the guard, who smiled ruefully back. He didn't want to go in the room, knew his father was probably still upset about Lee pulling the gun on Tigh and the subsequent break-out of the President, but duty called.

Duty always called.

"Thanks, Sergeant," he said, knowing he'd probably spent at least five minutes staring at the door.

He couldn't quite make himself knock, and was glad the two Marine guards didn't do anything but let him stand there. He didn't want to see his father, though he wouldn't have minded if Kara were with him.

He hadn't really seen much of Kara since they'd returned to _Galactica_, and he was still painfully aware that he owed her an apology about his behaviour after Colonial Day—and still painfully aware that the impulsive kiss he'd given her on the _Astral Queen_ hadn't been a mistake. Lee felt unsettled, about Kobol, Kara, his father, the President. And he felt awkward, out of touch with himself and the other pilots.

Enough of this, Lee thought to himself, and rapped sharply on the Commander's entrance hatch.

"Enter," his father's voice called.

Lee walked the room, eyes going directly to his father sitting behind his desk. Bill Adama looked tired, paler even than he'd looked on Kobol, shoulders slumped. His head was bent, eyes down. He didn't look up at Lee.

Tigh was sitting in the chair next to the Commander, so Lee, quickly surmising this was an official call, snapped to attention and saluted.

"Captain Adama reports as ordered, sir."

"At ease, Captain," Tigh said. "We're just waiting on one more person."

Lee relaxed a fraction, though his eyes strayed to his father's bent head. Watching him, wishing his father would look at him, Lee suddenly realised he hadn't looked his father in the eyes in days.

Not since they'd been on Kobol, though he wasn't quite sure they'd even looked at each other then.

"Lieutenant Thrace reports as ordered, sir."

Lee looked at her, standing perfectly still, at attention, saluting. Kara looked good, though her eyes were wary and exhausted; she'd pulled nearly as many shifts as he had. She'd gained a few pounds back after losing weight on Caprica, and she looked healthy. He smiled at her, a small quirk of his lips, and she smirked back.

Tigh nodded at her and Lee turned his attention back to Tigh as the XO stood up. His father, Lee noted, didn't move at all, just continued to stare at the floor. Lee wondered, just for a moment, if his father even knew he was there.

A sick, familiar feeling dropped into his stomach. It was the same feeling he'd had as a kid, anxiously waiting for his father to come home, to approve of his activities and friends, and to praise perfect scores on assignments.

"Effective immediately, Captain Adama is under arrest under Article 56 of the Colonial Military Code for mutiny and insurrection," Tigh announced. "Court martial proceedings will begin in two days. Captain Adama, you have two hours to gather personal belongings and report to the brig until your hearing."

Buzzing filled Lee's senses, drowning out everything around him. He knew Colonel Tigh's lips were still moving, but he hadn't heard any of it since the words 'under arrest'. He knew he'd be facing some sort of punishment for pulling the gun on Tigh, but he'd never expected this. His father had tried to overthrow the civilian government—something he wasn't legally authorised to do without cause. Lee didn't think disagreeing with the President was 'cause' and so he'd had no choice. The people of the Fleet needed some semblance of normalcy—even if that's all it was—and deserved a civilian government.

"…Thrace's promotion to Captain and assignment as CAG of _Galactica_."

* * *

What the frak was going on here?

Kara stared at Tigh, shocked and sure she'd misheard, then slid her gaze over to Lee. His face was frozen, stiff, in what he liked to call his 'thinking' face—small frown line between his eyes, jaw nearly clenched shut—but she had no idea what was going on in his brain.

What the frak had happened while she'd been gone?

She'd heard the rumours, though the pilots and other crew members stopped talking as soon as she was anywhere near them. Kara had felt alone since she returned from Kobol-there were looks and comments from the pilots she didn't quite understand-and was glad Helo and Lee still talked to her.

When she'd asked Lee about what happened, he had explained the story only reluctantly because she wouldn't leave him alone. Lee had told her he'd "pulled a gun on Tigh because I didn't agree with the order given and then broke the President out of jail to gallivant around the solar system chasing a frakking myth that was actually true" before changing the subject. Understanding the desire not to discuss personal issues, Kara hadn't pressed.

She suddenly wished she had.

But this new development had her worried. Lee on trial? _She_ was getting a promotion? This was seriously frakked up. _Beyond_ frakked up. On the other hand, she'd momentarily forgotten about the surgical scar on her stomach, and the people still on Caprica. And the exuberant kiss from Lee on the _Astral Queen_-which had seemed to surprise him as much as it had her.

Abruptly realising Tigh was still waiting for her to respond, Kara snapped to attention. "Yes, sir."

"Captain Thrace, please escort Captain Adama to the pilots' quarters for his belongings and to the brig, then report to the CIC for further instructions."

"Yes, sir," Kara said, saluting, and watched Lee numbly follow suit. Lee executed a near perfect about face and walked toward the hatch, and Kara quickly followed.

He didn't speak to her, not that she expected him to. She was sure she was still in shock herself, and for Lee it must've been worse. The guards outside the hatch nodded as they walked past, and Kara thought she caught a sympathetic look on their faces. And nearly every crewman they passed nodded or smiled at Lee—something they hadn't been doing before she'd left, since Lee was still mostly an outsider—and she wondered what else had changed while she'd been gone.

She hadn't believed the President when Laura Roslin told her Commander Adama lied about knowing the way to Earth.

Hadn't _wanted_ to believe it.

He'd taken her in at one of the lowest points in her life. Allowed her to fly, without worrying about anyone else. After Zak, she'd desperately needed to fly. Needed the release it brought her. And over the next two years, Bill Adama had earned her loyalty.

So when the President told her Adama lied about Earth, she refused to listen. Adama had never lied to her before, and though the she believed in the Scriptures, she couldn't imagine Adama lying about this. She denied he'd give them—his crew, his family—false hope. President Roslin insisted she was telling the truth and said she should ask the Commander. So she did.

And he lied to her face.

Kara had listened in growing disbelief as Adama brushed her questions aside and refused to give an answer. It'd been obvious he'd had no idea how to get to Earth. Roslin had been right. So she'd taken the Raider and left. Hoping that her belief in the Scriptures would prove true, and they'd find the Arrow of Apollo and the Tomb of Athena.

Hoping he'd forgive her.

Later, though, after gunshots and Cylon farms and way too much orange sky, she'd finally understood _why_ he'd done it. As she dropped a dog tag into the hand of Sam Anders, she forgave him.

False hope was better than none.

Lee stopped in front of her. Kara glanced up; saw the pilots' bunkroom just ahead. She'd just entered, two steps behind Lee, when she realised Commander Adama hadn't once looked at them.

* * *

Lee pulled his duffle bag out of his locker and methodically packed it. Boots on the bottom, then flight suit, followed by dress greys—he knew the exact order to pack so that everything would fit properly. Though he didn't know why he cared.

He knew Kara was his _security_ escort, despite the fact that Colonel Tigh hadn't specifically mentioned it. Tigh was trying to avoid a scene, Lee knew, but his brain was on frozen on court-martial 'and' dishonourable discharge. He couldn't care less about making a scene.

Taking the last item—his running shoes—and placing them in the duffle, Lee turned and sat on the bunk. He stared at the wall across from him, mind churning. Why hadn't his father said anything to him? Tried to stand up for him with Tigh? He'd known—when his father hugged Kara and not him on Kobol—that his father wasn't happy with him. And Lee didn't know if he ever would be. And Kara…

His thoughts trailed off as he felt a hand on his knee. Lee looked over and saw Kara sitting at the table, leaning toward him.

"You okay?"

Lee laughed bitterly. "Yeah. Fine."

To Lee's relief, Kara didn't say anything else. She just smiled and patted his knee, an uncharacteristic gesture from Kara. There wasn't anything else to say, after all. He'd be on trial for mutiny in two days, every action taken since he'd pulled the gun on Tigh under a microscope.

He'd defied orders, he knew that. And Lee had involved the crew after specifically promising Tigh he wouldn't. But he'd had no choice. Tigh's orders had gotten the civilians on the _Gideon_ killed. Over supplies, for frak's sake.

And he'd discovered that in standing up for his beliefs he'd lost the game.

At least he could hold his head high, knowing he'd done the right thing.

Maybe.

* * *

The CIC was quiet, with none of the chatter normally present during a duty shift. Kara entered and immediately noticed the angry, almost bitter glances sent Tigh's way. He either didn't notice or preferred not to draw attention to it. As Kara stepped to the Command Console to report, she realised the entire room was completely still, eyes trained on the two of them. Some accusing, others annoyed and resentful.

She didn't really like this new dynamic on her ship.

Kara ignored them and saw Tigh wave her toward the mission planning room, where she could see Commander Adama waiting. She followed and sat when Adama gestured to a chair. Tigh took a seat across from her, next to Bill.

"This briefing is to inform you of your new responsibilities," Tigh said.

Kara nodded. She had a general idea of what Lee's job-frak, _her_ job-entailed. And though some of it seemed more like paperwork an XO would do, she understood that with limited manpower everyone in positions of authority had to do more work than they normally would. Frak, she was in a position of authority now. Who was Tigh kidding? There was no way she'd be able to do this job.

As Tigh listed her daily and weekly duties, her gaze wandered to the commander. He looked _old_. Really old. And tired, and just plain worn down. Was all of that the result of the shooting or was there more to it? Kara wanted to talk to him about Lee but didn't know how to broach it. And the mission planning room was not the right place. She resolved to see him later in a more private place.

"Some of the crew were complicit in helping Captain Adama and President Roslin escape, but we have no concrete proof who they are," Commander Adama told her when Tigh had finished his portion of the briefing. "This might make your adjustment to CAG a bit more difficult than we'd originally hoped."

Kara listened closely and understood immediately. She'd thought there were lingering feelings of resentment for Tigh's command, and now she knew for sure. The crew who'd helped Lee weren't going to take this well. _And_ she had to figure out what to tell the pilots. The pilots who'd put their loyalty behind Lee, not Colonel Tigh.

That had to piss Tigh off, Kara thought, slightly gleefully, until she realised the pilots might not be Lee's anymore in a few days.

"Do you have any questions, Captain Thrace?"

Her new rank startled her, and for a moment, she simply stared at Tigh. When the Commander, next to him, shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat, she shook her head.

"No, sir."

"Daily pilots briefing will remain at 0700, followed at 0900 by a meeting with Commander Adama, myself, and Lieutenant Gaeta. Dismissed."

After exiting the Mission Planning room and winding her way through the CIC into the corridor, she leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath. The tension-and the _oddness_-in the CIC had gotten to her, Kara realised as she relaxed her shoulders, rolled her head from side to side. She didn't know how she was going to handle this, but the crewmembers deserved to know the truth-not some watered down version they'd get from Tigh or the Commander.

She noted the glances sent her way but ignored all those brave enough to question her, though there wasn't many anyway. She needed to tell the pilots first. Right now, it was the middle of the third shift, so most would be in the rec room or the bunkrooms. She would go to the rec first, and let them carry the news back to the bunkrooms. Satisfied with her plan, she moved toward the open hatch and could hear the laughter and conversations the pilots engaged in on their off-duty shifts.

The immediate silence in the rec room when she entered alerted her to the fact the ship's gossip mill was working overtime. It had only been six hours-one CAP shift- since Tigh had informed her and Lee of their respective changes in status. Kara ignored the stares as she sat at a table with Helo and Racetrack.

"What happened with Apollo?"

Racetrack's question focused all attention in the room on them and Kara sighed as she set down the folder she'd been carrying. Racetrack sure hadn't wasted time but Kara couldn't blame her. Kara knew the pilots would be worried since the gossip had already begun to circulate.

"What have you heard?" She asked, and practically _felt_ the room lean toward her. It was a bit unnerving to be the focus of attention for something other than flying or Triad.

She decided to listen to what was said and correct as necessary. Lee's fate was unlikely to stay a secret for long, and it was better to get the facts out now than let the gossip and rumours swirl for long.

"He's getting kicked out," Racetrack said. "And Tigh's out for revenge and is conducting a witch hunt for the crew that helped him."

"We heard you're getting promoted to CAG," Kat added, and the other people in the room nodded.

Kara leaned back. The rumour mill was, as usual, almost correct. "Lee was arrested for mutiny and insurrection and sent to brig until his court-martial begins," she said. "And as far as I know, he's the only one getting in trouble."

Relief swept through the room, and the pilots instantly relaxed a fraction. Kara wondered, just for a moment, which of these pilots had helped Lee. She brushed that thought aside. If Tigh wasn't worried enough to find out who helped Lee, she didn't care. "And I'm the new CAG."

The low murmuring that had started when she'd first spoke stopped, and every eye in the room was on her again. There were some resentful looks and some of the pilots exchanged angry glances with each other, though no one said anything. No one seemed pleased, which she wasn't surprised about-Lee had apparently won them over at some point-but she hadn't expected outright hostility. Annoyed, Kara stood up.

"Frak, guys, I don't like it either. But that's what happened and it's directly from our CO. So just get over it and deal."

Kara left the room, anger building. This wasn't her choice and she wasn't happy about it either. But they were soldiers. There was nothing else to do. They had to do their jobs, but if the pilots didn't like the situation, that was fine. She didn't need them to like her.

She just needed them to do their jobs.

* * *

He was in the same cell.

Lee didn't think it was on purpose-the guard wasn't the same-but the Marine Sergeant on duty in the brig put him in the same holding cell he'd occupied before. And this time, there was no Laura Roslin or his CAG duties to help time pass.

This time, he was alone.

Lee sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the bars. Tried not to think about the future, but everything Tigh had said surged through his mind. _Court-martial_. For mutiny and insurrection. He'd known, even as he asked for help from the crew and they'd responded, he was breaking his word to Tigh. Lee hoped the crew wouldn't get into trouble for helping him.

With Tigh, though, one never knew. If it looked like the crew might be punished, Lee decided, he'd insist he ordered them to help with threats of violence and that they were good, obedient soldiers and had done so.

Unlike him.

The guard coughed and fiddled with the piece of paper in front of him. Lee wondered for a moment if the guard wanted his attention but ignored him and returned to his own thoughts. He wondered who was going to preside at his court-martial and whether he'd get to speak in his own defence. Could they find him a lawyer? His Colonial Law class at the Academy seemed so long ago and he hardly remembered any of it.

What would happen if the judiciary party found him guilty? He knew mutiny wasn't a death penalty offense, even in wartime, but couldn't remember the exact punishment.

He didn't think he wanted to know.

And he was a pilot. A Viper pilot. Lee wasn't even sure he could _do_ something else.

Though growing up he'd wanted to be anything other than what his father was-maybe even a lawyer, or a political lobbyist-he honestly didn't _know_ how to be anything other than a Viper pilot. He'd joined the Colonial Fleet at 18 and knew nothing else.

Of course, if he was convicted, it wouldn't matter anyway. He'd be in a cell on the _Astral Queen_, or on another ship, doing a job no one really wanted.

He certainly wouldn't be on _Galactica_ anymore.

"Sergeant, please wait outside."

It took a moment for his father's voice to register. His head snapped up. Lee knew his face showed his shock and quickly schooled it into his formation expression, completely blank and staring straight ahead. His father hadn't even _looked_ at him during Tigh's pronouncement of his fate and now he was trying to speak to him? Lee just stared as the guard smiled sympathetically at him and exited through the hatch to the corridor outside.

The silence stretched and awkwardness settled over the room. Bill shifted his feet, stuffed his hands in his pockets. Lee didn't remember the last time his father had looked this uncomfortable but thought it might have been the day the worlds ended. They'd been required to have a photo op and neither of them had been pleased. He still remembered how awkward he'd felt and knew his father had felt the same.

"Lee," his father began, "I wish it didn't have to be this way."

Lee didn't say anything. He wished it were different, too. But it wasn't and his father-the only person who could reverse the process-didn't seem inclined to do so. He wondered if his father was letting this continue because Tigh wanted it. Tigh was, after all, one of Bill's oldest friends _and_ his Achilles' heel. Lee remembered several visits when his father had brought Tigh and Ellen over during his infrequent leave and had practically ignored his own family as he and Tigh talked and reminisced.

Bill was staring at him, puzzlement etched on his face. Lee didn't know the last time he'd seen his father confused. He was normally so _stoic_, so guarded, that Lee could never figure out what Bill Adama was thinking.

Lee realised his father was waiting for him to speak when Bill cleared his throat. But he didn't know what to say and he didn't know what his father wanted to hear.

"What do you want me to say, Dad?"

His voice was harsher than he'd intended and his father flinched slightly. Lee felt a sense of satisfaction, quashed the small twinge of guilt, and continued.

"Want me to say I was wrong? Or that I'll never do it again? That I'll blindly follow orders you gave after you felt _personally_ betrayed? The Colonial Fleet doesn't work that way! I'm sorry, Dad, but I'm not the one who tried to stage a coup because Kara left."

Silence. Complete, utter silence.

Bill's face flickered from confusion to guilt and settled on angry before Lee realised his father registered the words he'd just spoken. His father's mouth opened then closed with an audible snap. Bill hadn't moved, though his face still showed anger angry. Lee wondered why his father wasn't saying anything. He'd never seen his father speechless before.

As they stared at each other, both unmoving and in apparent shock, Lee suddenly realised his voice hadn't risen at all. It had stayed level, collected. Cold. Unfeeling.

He'd sounded like his father.

Frak, frak, frak. As much as he—some of the time—admired his father, he didn't want to _be_ him.

Bill sucked in a breath, let it out. Lee wondered if he was trying to hold on to his temper. "Captain Adama—"

"No, Dad, you don't get to do this," Lee interrupted, anger simmering underneath the calm words. "You started the conversation with Lee, don't finish it with ranks."

Lee hated that his father even tried this. It was enough to give someone whiplash, for frak's sake. He knew he sometimes struggled with the division between personal and professional while working with his father, but Bill had it down to an art. He treated his entire crew like family, allowing for a more relaxed atmosphere, but sometimes it was difficult to figure out which person you were dealing with: Commander Adama or the Old Man.

His father heaved a sigh. Tried again. "Lee, no matter what you think, this is not a personal decision. You committed mutiny and then _explicitly_ disobeyed a superior officer after you _assured_ him you wouldn't. You knowingly and unlawfully broke a _direct_ order. We can't let this go."

Right. _We_. Was we the military, Lee wondered, or Colonel Tigh and his father?

It was nothing more than he'd expected, Lee realised, and yet he'd hoped Bill might have a better explanation than the standard military line. "I understand."

"Do you?"

Lee looked at the man standing across from him. Something in his father's tone struck him as unlike Bill Adama and the way his father was staring at him momentarily distracted him. "What does that mean?"

Bill's mouth opened. He closed it and shook his head. "It's not important, Lee. Don't worry about it."

Lee sighed and looked away. Why couldn't he and his father ever discuss anything important? Almost every conversation they'd had since the world ended-except the question he'd foolishly asked when Kara was stuck on that moon-had been simply work or superficial.

"I've got to go," Bill said into the silence that had settled heavily over the room. "I'll see you later?"

Lee nodded. "Sure, Dad." As Bill turned to walk through the hatch, Lee couldn't stop himself as the bitterness overflowed. "I'm not going anywhere."

His father paused but didn't look back.

As usual.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

_"With the power of conviction, there is no sacrifice." ~Pat Benatar_

The first time Lee had been in this conference room, the water tanks had exploded and he'd just found out the Cylons looked like humans. Now he was here again. In the two months since, his father had been shot by a crew member he'd trusted and nearly _died_.

He'd committed mutiny.

He'd never imagined he could commit mutiny.

That he would feel a _need_ to. To protect the civilians who needed a government. In spite of his uniform, his oath. Even though Lee knew-before Tigh had told him off while they stood over his father's hospital bed-that the uniform didn't always fit him.

But he'd tried to make it fit him, and Lee thought, sometimes, that he'd gotten used to wearing it.

To being Apollo, and Captain Adama, rather than Lee.

And now he was facing the loss of the uniform and didn't quite know what to do.

The judicial panel that would decide his fate consisted of three Captains from other ships in the fleet. Ordinarily, the court-martial panel would be the three highest-ranking personnel at the post. Because that was his father, Colonel Tigh, and Doc Cottle, and his father and Colonel Tigh had initiated the proceedings, the President had insisted an impartial panel be chosen from other ships.

Now, as he stared at the captains from the _Thera Sita_, _Zephyr_, and _Adriatic_ sitting at the long table across from him, Lee wondered whether it was because she wanted a clear conscience if he was convicted.

Lee brushed the thought aside-it wasn't important now and not worthy of himself or Laura-and then tried to figure out when he'd become so cynical.

He thought it was about the time the Cylons attacked the Colonies and he'd suddenly become responsible for twenty pilots who'd just lost their entire life. Pilots he hadn't spent two years with, becoming friends and comrades.

When he'd ended up on a ship of strangers who didn't know anything about him except he was Bill Adama's son.

Sometimes, he hated the Cylons.

His lawyer, a retired judicial officer from the Colonial Fleet, had met with him yesterday to discuss the hearing. They'd been lucky to find retired Major Gabriel Lamont, Lee knew, because otherwise they'd have to use one of the twenty-five civilian lawyers in the Fleet. And while similar, the Colonial Military Code and the civilian judicial system had enough differences to make it difficult sometimes for civilian lawyers to prosecute and defend.

And Lee knew that any misstep-especially on his part-would ruin his chances of staying in the Colonial Fleet.

If he hadn't ruined it already.

"Captain Adama, please stand." That was Captain Carrie Stanningfield from the _Zephyr_, the person in charge of the panel.

He stood, vaguely aware of Major Lamont standing with him. His heart was pounding and he wiped suddenly sweaty palms on the pants of his dress greys.

"Captain Adama, you are charged with Mutiny and Insurrection under Article 56 of the Colonial Military Code. Do you understand the charges against you?"

"Yes, sir."

"What plea are you entering?"

"Sir, my client is entering a plea of Not Guilty."

"Reasoning, Major Lamont?"

"That the original order given by Commander Adama was unlawful, as was the subsequent order given by Colonel Tigh. According to the Colonial Military Code, Captain Adama is not required to follow orders that are unlawful."

"Very well. You may begin, Major."

"Thank you, sir."

Lee sat down and stared at the panel as Major Lamont moved into the empty space between the defendant's table and the judges' table. Captain Stanningfield was joined by Captain Brent Celino of the _Thera Sita_ and Captain Mark Littleton of the _Adriatic_. Major Lamont had informed him that all three were known to be level headed and practical.

Lee hoped so.

Major Lamont had begun his opening statement and Lee had a general idea of what he was going to say. He carefully studied the panel as Major Lamont talked. They appeared interested and thoughtful, and were taking notes periodically. Lee wondered what they were picking out of Major Lamont's rhetoric laced speech to focus on.

"…and Captain Adama had little choice but to attempt to relieve Colonel Tigh of command of the mission because he believed arresting President Roslin to be an unlawful order. Captain Adama was brought to the CIC, in handcuffs, upon his return to _Galactica_, where he witnessed Commander Adama shot by what we now know is a Cylon. Captain Adama was removed to the brig by Colonel Tigh and, in a moment of crisis, was returned to duty by Colonel Tigh under the provision that he would return to his cell whenever not on duty. He also informed Colonel Tigh he would not sow insurrection in the crew or attempt to free President Roslin. However, Colonel Tigh's actions and orders while in command of _Galactica_ grew increasingly erratic and dangerous for the crew of _Galactica_ as well as the rest of the Fleet. Captain Adama had no other option but to release the President in the belief that it would restore order to the Fleet."

Lee knew the Major was a good lawyer-they'd discussed some of his cases during the two days of his confinement in the brig. Major Lamont specialised in Article 37 cases-conduct unbecoming an officer and chain of command fraternisations-but he'd been fairly successful during his years in the Colonial Fleet. Lee just hoped it was enough.

There was no prosecuting attorney, per se. The judicial panel had the initial complaint and the officially registered court-martial papers submitted by his father and Colonel Tigh. In place of an attorney the judicial panel would cross-examine witnesses. He vaguely remembered his Colonial Law instructor at the Academy telling them the initial court-martial papers served as the prosecution's case and after they were submitted, no changes or additions were allowed.

When Major Lamont sat down, Captain Stanningfield called the first witness, Colonel Tigh.

Colonel Tigh entered the room flanked by the security escort. He was sworn in and sat in the witness chair on the left side of the room.

"Colonel Tigh," Captain Celino said. "To begin, can you please describe, in your own words, the series of events from Commander Adama's decision to board _Colonial One_ and the incarceration of Captain Adama after the shooting of Commander Adama?"

Lee stiffened in his chair as Tigh looked at him, eyes hard, before turning back to the judges.

"Certainly, sir. Captain Adama and I joined a squad of Marines…"

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Kara had finished her first briefing as CAG before she realised Lee's trial had been underway for an hour.

The briefing had gone fairly well but there was an undercurrent running through the ship and her pilots that she couldn't define.

And one she didn't frakking like.

It was obvious everyone's mind was on the events in the main conference room. Kara wasn't thrilled that her pilots weren't paying attention to her but she understood. She wanted nothing more than to sit in the conference room and support Lee. But even if she had time, the proceedings were closed to everyone but the judges, Lee, and his lawyer.

The pilots had listened-barely-to her announce the CAP schedule for the next two days and then dispersed quickly upon dismissal, quietly talking with each other. There were no jokes, no loud laughter or teasing.

She'd felt the mood change on _Galactica_ over the past two days. Conversations in the corridors were quieter and she'd noticed that people spoke to Tigh and the Commander as little as possible. She'd caught a conversation between Dee and Cally where Dee was explaining the court-martial process. Kara had walked by, heard "minimum one year". Kara knew she should stop the speculation but she was as interested as everyone else.

Kara knew she needed to see the Commander. They had to discuss Lee's situation and hers. She still wasn't sure how he felt about her trip to Caprica and, in spite of the hug on Kobol, she'd realised yesterday that Commander Adama hadn't spoken to her since the meeting. And before that, it had been Kobol.

She wondered if Commander Adama was avoiding her. Lee had been sure his father had been avoiding him after Kobol and she'd agreed with him. But she hadn't realised she hadn't spoken to him either until last night, tossing and turning in her bunk as she worried about Lee, the Farms, the Resistance, the CAG briefing, until she'd fallen into an exhausted sleep only two hours before she'd needed to be up.

She was so frakking tired.

The hatch opened behind her as she wrote Helo's name in the third shift for the next day. She turned around, expecting to see one of the pilots.

It was Commander Adama.

"Sir," she said, setting the marker down, hoping she kept the surprise out of her voice. She wasn't sure she was successful because his normally impassive face tightened imperceptibly. If Kara hadn't been watching him so closely, she might've missed it.

"Starbuck," he said, nodding to her. "How'd the briefing go?"

Kara shrugged. "It was fine, sir. The pilots seemed a little distracted but I think that's to be expected."

Adama merely stared at her, eyes dark and unreadable, but he seemed to be daring her to say something. To mention Lee, or Caprica, or Kobol. Daring her, and not expecting her to. But Kara Thrace didn't back down from a challenge.

"After all, their CAG's on trial for mutiny."

When Adama's face went from expectant to stone, Kara nearly regretted her words.

Nearly.

But she'd been feeling out the crew the past two days and hadn't liked what she'd heard. According to Dee, who'd been in the CIC when the Commander was shot, he'd had Lee brought in to the CIC in handcuffs and personally thanked Boomer and Racetrack for completing their missions "in spite of any personal misgivings they'd had" right in front of him. Dee-and Gaeta, who'd been unnaturally communicative when she'd spoken to him-had both indicated they thought it was a slight against Lee.

Kara knew the Commander was too close to his crew. It was his greatest strength, and his greatest weakness. And she also knew, in a way she didn't think the Commander did, what could happen when you cared too much about people in your charge.

After all, she'd killed Zak.

Thinking it didn't hurt nearly as much as it had in those first weeks after it happened but it still hurt. And Adama was staring at her, waiting for her to explain herself.

She didn't know how.

But she had to try. For Lee's sake, and her own. Kara needed to help him. She hadn't been able to see him, as the Commander had ordered no visitors, and Kara knew he'd be worried about his pilots.

"Sir," she said, "you have to understand. They trust Lee, and they're worried about him. And they haven't heard anything official yet because we don't want to make anything permanent if he's acquitted." Kara didn't say anything about a guilty verdict. She couldn't think about that now or she'd never get any work done. "I think it would help morale if they were allowed to see him."

He appeared to be considering her request. Kara thought Adama was struggling with Lee's court-martial but it was difficult to tell. Adamas didn't let their thoughts or feelings escape easily. Well, she reminded herself, thinking of Zak's easy ways, Lee and the Commander didn't.

"I'll think about it, Captain." Adama finally said, and Kara breathed a short sigh of relief. "There's something else."

"Sir?"

The slightly uncertain look he'd been wearing had been replaced with cold resolve. Dread filled her at his stern tone and she suddenly knew what he wanted. To talk about Caprica. And stealing the Raider. How she'd pushed for a rescue mission that bordered on suicidal for less than 100 people.

"Stealing the Cylon Raider was a mistake, Captain."

Kara said nothing. He had his Commander Adama face and voice on and she knew he wouldn't tolerate any interruptions. She was going to get a lecture and, in truth, she probably deserved one.

Sometimes she wondered if _she_ should've been the one at the court-martial.

But the Commander hadn't specifically ordered her not to take the Raider and that, it appeared, was the difference between court-martial and CAG.

She wanted to throw up. She wasn't CAG. Lee was CAG. And she hoped, more than anything, that he'd still CAG when this was all over.

"…and, in addition to disobeying an order, you lost a very valuable piece of enemy technology. And I think you know that there can never be a rescue mission to Caprica."

Adama paused for a moment and then shook his head when she didn't say anything. "Do you have anything to say for yourself, Captain?"

"Yes, sir." Kara was determined. Though he'd denied the possibility of a rescue mission, she wouldn't give up hope yet. He _would_ listen to her.

He seemed vaguely interested in what she was going to say but she could still sense his resolve. And Commander Adama was very stubborn. She would have to consider her words carefully.

"There was no order given, sir."

His eyes snapped to hers, sparking blue fire, and she made an effort to keep her eyes level. She wouldn't be intimidated. He _was_ her commanding officer and well within his rights to refuse to listen to her. But he was also the man who'd taken her in after she'd made the biggest mistake of her life.

"You didn't specifically order me not to go to Caprica, sir, even during the discussion on the closed channel. Therefore, my only crime is losing technology."

Kara waited and knew the Commander was considering what to say. He stared at her and still said nothing.

"Captain Thrace."

His voice shot through her and Kara snapped to attention. That was his serious command voice. Despite the demerits and disciplinary records in her file, she wasn't such a fool that she couldn't tell the times when she should pay attention to commanding officers. And now was definitely one of them.

"You could also be accused of desertion in a time of war, Captain. You abandoned your post on a hare-brained scheme that President Roslin saw in a _vision_. Why did you do this?"

The Commander stared at her, waiting for her to answer the question.

Kara debated for almost a minute. She knew she'd mentioned this before she'd left but she'd say it again if she had to. Every day. Until he understood. "You lied to us, sir."

"Excuse me?"

She drew a deep breath. "You frakking lied to us about Earth. That you knew the way. President Roslin admitted it to me. That you both agreed it was for the best. And then when I asked you, you lied straight to my face."

He didn't say anything.

"I get it, sir. I do. You wanted us to have something to fight for," she sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. Frak, she was tired. "You know, I did the same to the survivors on Caprica. I _get_ it."

Adama just stood there, looking at her. Waiting for her to get to the point. Kara didn't know if he would understand her point, even if she told him. And she'd never convince him that maybe he was as wrong as her and Lee.

"Sir, let Lee have visitors. The pilots need it, and I'll bet Lee does, too."

Confusion and then a quick flash of anger crossed his face at her sudden change in topics but he didn't speak. She sighed, shook her head, and headed toward the hatch. He wasn't going to listen to her.

"We forgive you, sir. Just don't forget to forgive yourself."

* * *

It wasn't going well.

At least, Lee didn't think so. Major Lamont had given him an encouraging look during Tigh's testimony but Lee's stomach was still in knots and the slightly nauseous feeling he'd had for two days wouldn't go away.

He was going to lose his commission. Lee was sure of it and couldn't quite understand why

There'd been no looks or hints from the judges either way, Lee thought, but he couldn't shake the melancholy that had overtaken him. He'd had no visitors-knew his father most likely hadn't allowed it-and had nothing to do but think for the two days he'd spent in the cell.

He was going to lose everything.

_Apollo, nothing's over 'til you're dead._

The words of wisdom he'd received from a drunken Kara during a marathon Triad game with Zak entered into his brain and Lee suppressed a smile. He took a deep breath, then slowly let it out. The nausea remained but the rock that had settled in his stomach seemed to shrink a little.

Kara was right, he reminded himself. It wasn't over until the ruling was handed down. He had to control his emotions, pretend none of it was getting to him.

Even if it was.

Tigh's testimony had been more damning than he'd thought. Apparently completely sober for once, he had presented a precise, straightforward account of the events leading from Lee's mutiny to his escape with the President with little embellishment or grandstanding. He even remembered Lee's promise to him in the brig, word for word.

_You have my parole. When I'm on duty I will make no attempt to free her or to sow insurrection among the crew. When I'm not on duty I'll report directly back to this cell._

He remembered saying those words, remembered how he felt. He'd fervently wanted to believe in them, to uphold his promise. But in the end, with the Fleet crumbling around them, he hadn't been able to.

He didn't regret it. Not at all.

But it looked bad. Tigh _had_ managed to make him sound like an ungrateful, petulant child rebelling against his father's orders. And Lee supposed it had appeared that way to many of the crew.

And maybe it still did.

To Lee, it had been protecting the Fleet. To Tigh, it was a son's rejection of his father.

Colonel Tigh wasn't an impartial bystander, however, which Major Lamont had been quick to point out, insinuating Tigh was seeking revenge for Lee pointing the gun at him. Lee didn't really know how that would help him since every witness had a personal stake. And he couldn't tell if the judges were swayed or not. They were all, unfortunately, completely inscrutable.

Tigh stood up from the witness chair, and shot a quick look at Lee before he left. The anger he expected was there but Lee also thought he saw a glimpse of pity or maybe even compassion. Lee realised that Tigh wasn't completely happy to see his friend's son-one he'd known practically his entire life-undergoing a court-martial and wondered again why he had been charged in the first place. Lee knew that Tigh didn't always like him but probably _hated_ what this was doing to his father.

Laura Roslin was sworn in after giving him a quick glance as she sat down. He couldn't read her expression but hoped the set of her shoulders indicated she wasn't pleased with the turn of events.

He knew she'd tried to get Colonel Tigh and his father to change their minds. He suspected-but didn't know for sure-that she was feeling guilty for being reinstated as President while he was getting a court-martial.

Lee wished he could tell her it wasn't her fault. That he'd do it again in an instant if he had to and, after they'd escaped, he felt she was the only one who'd supported him wholeheartedly.

But he wouldn't. Because he didn't really say things like that.

"President Roslin, could you please explain the actions of Captain Adama once he arrived on _Colonial One_?" Captain Celino asked.

"Captain Adama boarded _Colonial One_ with Colonel Tigh and a squad of Marines. Colonel Tigh insisted I was under arrest and that I would be escorted to _Galactica_. I refused. The Marines and my security forces were both armed and at a standoff. Captain Adama told Colonel Tigh they weren't doing this and proceeded to point his gun at Colonel Tigh. I decided at that point that violence wasn't the answer and allowed Colonel Tigh to arrest me before anyone was hurt."

It was good, Lee thought. Concise, to the point, with no unnecessary details or emotions.

And it placed the blame purely on Lee's shoulders.

Of course, she _had_ told the truth. Even Lee couldn't disagree with her recounting of events.

After she'd finished her recall of the events, the judicial panel settled in for questioning.

"President Roslin, in your opinion, would the situation have resolved into bloodshed if you hadn't conceded to the wishes of Colonel Tigh?" Captain Stanningfield asked.

"Yes," Laura said.

"Could you elaborate, please?"

"Both the Marines and my personal security forces were armed and had their fully-loaded weapons pointed at each other. The situation was very unstable and neither Colonel Tigh nor myself wanted to back down. But I had no other choice."

"What happened after you were escorted to _Galactica_?" Captain Littleton from the _Adriatic_ asked.

"I was escorted to the brig and placed in a cell by Colonel Tigh under the supervision of Commander Adama. I then remained in the cell until Captain Adama and I escaped."

"When did you and Captain Adama decide to escape?"

"After Colonel Tigh declared martial law and the incident on the _Gideon_, I decided I needed to escape and felt that if I talked to the Fleet I would be able to stop its destruction."

Lee watched as Laura smoothly answered questions. For the next twenty minutes she described her side of the story: how she'd told the Quorum about her cancer and her visions, how it felt hearing about the events on the _Gideon_ and not being in a position to help, how they'd left in a Raptor and hidden in various ships in the Fleet until they'd jumped back to Kobol with her supporters.

At that point, Stanningfield called for a short break before Major Lamont cross-examined Laura.

Lee remained at the table, hands folded and head down. He didn't want to look her in the eye but couldn't figure out why. They'd bonded in the brig and while hiding in the Fleet, he knew that, but he wondered if the subsequent events-Kobol, her getting reinstated, him getting a court-martial-would change that at all.

"Captain Apollo."

His heart jolted and then seemed to fall. She was the only one who ever called him that and he often wondered why she'd started it that first day on the ship that would become _Colonial One_ and her home. Lee didn't know how much longer he'd be Apollo and didn't know why she called him that today.

He looked up. The President's face was carefully neutral-what he referred to as her politician face-but he could see the compassion in her eyes.

"Madam President," Lee said. "I don't think you're supposed to be speaking to me until your testimony is complete."

She shrugged, as if it didn't matter, and smiled slightly. He managed a small smile in return. Despite everything that had happened since their return from Kobol, Lee still respected her and her decisions.

"I want you to know," she began, locking her hands in front of her and looking him straight in the eye, "I tried to persuade Colonel Tigh and Commander Adama that this was unnecessary. That simple disciplinary action would have been enough and we didn't need to subject anyone to a court-martial."

The unspoken "especially because you're the only one in trouble" drifted into the air between them and Lee knew she probably hadn't meant for it to sound that way.

She'd meant it to be reassuring, to help him.

He hoped.

"Madam President," he said when the silence became almost uncomfortable. "I knew there'd be consequences as soon as I pointed that gun at Colonel Tigh. This wasn't unexpected."

The smile she gave him was genuine and lifted his spirits a little. She opened her mouth to say something but Captain Stanningfield called them back to order. Laura sat down in the witness chair and Major Lamont stood up to question her.

"Madam President," he said. "Why did Commander Adama send the Marines, Colonel Tigh, and Captain Adama to _Colonial One_?"

It was a good question and Lee knew it would help his case if the reason convinced the judges that his father had overstepped his authority and tried to throw a government coup.

A small cough from the court reporter interrupted his thoughts and reminded him he should probably be paying attention to what was being said so he could discuss it with Major Lamont later. Lee turned his attention to the President. He knew that Laura Roslin was, beside himself, his best option for remaining in the Colonial Fleet.

He hoped it wasn't too late.

* * *

"Captain Thrace!"

Kara turned at the sound of Gaeta's voice. He was practically running down the corridor toward her as she headed toward the CAG's office, holding a sheet of paper.

"Lieutenant Gaeta," she acknowledged, slightly amused. She'd never seen him move that fast when there wasn't a crisis.

He stopped in front of her, waving the sheet of paper wildly as he gestured with his hands. "Commander Adama is allowing Captain Adama to have visitors. This is the official notice."

"Thanks, Gaeta." She took the paper from him and skimmed it. It was brief and to the point completely the Commander and none of the Father. It stated that Captain Adama would be allowed visitors but no more than one at a time. She'd go to the brig and find out from Lee if he wanted other people to visit him before letting the pilots know.

She dropped the copy of the finished CAP roster on the desk in the CAG's office before heading to the brig. No one talked to her but for once she didn't really mind. Kara was on a mission and determined to talk to Lee today, to find out how he was doing. And how the first day of his court-martial had gone.

Kara entered the brig and nodded to the guard. Lee didn't look up from his cell and continued to read whatever book was on his lap. She wondered if it was because he wasn't expecting visitors or he didn't want to talk to her.

No, it was probably the first. Kara knew that only his father and lawyer had come to see him-and his father had only visited once. She was also pretty sure it hadn't gone well.

"Hey, Lee."

It took nearly thirty seconds for him to look up, shock and confusion on his face. A smile appeared for a second before it seemed to slide off his face, replaced by a small frown.

"What are you doing here?"

"Visiting. What kind of frakking question is that?" Kara kept the grin to herself. He was so easy to tease sometimes.

He just shrugged as if to say 'a stupid one' and she rolled her eyes and waved to the guard to unlock the cell. The guard just stared at her and she glared at him. "Problem, Sergeant Graves?"

"No, sir, I just don't know if you're allowed in there with Captain Adama," the guard said. "Commander Adama said-"

Kara had to give him points for trying but she wouldn't be dissuaded. She shoved the paper at him. "I've got a memo here from the Commander. Captain Adama is allowed visitors." When the sergeant didn't move, she huffed in annoyance and crossed her arms. "He's not going anywhere, Sergeant. Now open the frakking cell!"

Her Starbuck attitude still worked, thank the Gods, and she waited impatiently, arms crossed and foot tapping, while the sergeant opened the cell. She caught Lee trying not to laugh as Sergeant Graves fumbled with the keys before getting the lock undone. As he opened the cell she brushed past him and sat down on the bed next to Lee. Sergeant Graves relocked the cell and returned to his desk.

"So…" Kara began, letting her voice trail off.

"So," Lee said. "Come here often?"

Kara snorted trying to hold back her laugh, which, she was pleased to see, caused Lee to laugh and drop his book. She picked it up, glanced at the title as she brushed her hand over the cover.

"_The Inferno on Sand: A Study of the Huchu Desert Fire_. This is your reading material? Sounds frakking boring."

The laughter died away and she felt him shrug. "It's not too bad. I've definitely read worse. And it beats the _Picon Woman_ magazine the guards gave me."

"Are you frakking kidding?" Kara wasn't sure what was worse: that the definitely _male_ guards were reading it or that a magazine entitled _Picon Woman_ even existed.

Lee rolled his eyes at her. "No. But I did learn 'Ten Tricks for Amazing Blowjobs'."

Kara was silent for a moment. "I could've written that one."

He looked at her. Kara stared back. Lee's lips twitched and she grinned in response. Laughter burst out of them at the same time and between gasping laughs Kara noted the guard sneaking glances at them. He'd probably thought they'd gone crazy.

Sometimes, she thought so too.

They hadn't had much to laugh about lately and if anyone deserved it, Kara thought, it was her and Lee. It was just too bad, she decided, that it had to be over a silly article in a stupid magazine neither of them would have even looked at before the Cylon attacks.

"How are the pilots?"

Kara studied him for a moment while considering her answer. He looked tired-they all did-but underneath was sadness tinged with what she thought might've been regret. But it was difficult to tell with Lee.

"They're okay, Lee. Frakking pissed for you. They want to visit. I told them this morning I'd let them know."

She felt him shrug, and then sigh, as he leaned back against the wall. Kara waited, with increasing impatience, as he deliberated. Didn't he realise the pilots-_his_ pilots-wanted to make sure he was okay?

"How are you?"

He'd avoided the question, but she let it go for the moment. "Fine, Lee."

Lee's look said he didn't believe her, and he plucked the book out of her hand to set it on the bed next to him. Kara, deprived of the book, began to pluck at the leg of her trousers.

"I know that if I'd gone to Caprica and went what you went through, I wouldn't be fine."

It was a huge admission for him and she wondered if he was as calm as he appeared about the court-martial. If he was trying to tell her something. She wasn't sleeping well and felt more tired than ever. And when she did sleep, she was back on that Farm but this time she hadn't escaped. She was hooked to the same machine that Sue-Shaun had been.

But she wouldn't dump all of this on him when he was sitting in a cell because he'd committed mutiny.

"I wish we could've brought them back with us."

Lee nodded and she felt like he understood what she was trying to say.

She just wished she did.

"What shall I tell the pilots?"

He was silent again for a long time and Kara just waited. Lee wouldn't ignore her and she knew he was giving serious consideration to her questions.

The silences between them were never uncomfortable and almost said more than conversations.

"Major Lamont is sure we'll only have one day left," he finally said. "My father and I are the only ones left to testify." Lee looked at her and in one single glance she knew he didn't want the pilots to see him this way. "I don't think there's any point in having visitors. The judicial panel's decision probably won't take long."

"Two days doesn't seem like a long time to decide someone's future," Kara remarked and regretted it almost instantly when Lee's face tightened. She was a frakking idiot sometimes.

Lee turned back toward the door of the cell, back toward the guard who was trying not to eavesdrop. Unfortunately, the brig wasn't that large and Kara was sure he'd heard every word. She glared and he looked away from them and back at his papers.

Lee didn't say anything and didn't appear willing to talk anymore either. Kara wanted to kick herself and scooted a little closer, laying her hand on his thigh. He stared down at it and then covered it with his, stroking lightly.

Desperate to restart the conversation, she blurted, "I have some questions about CAP scheduling."

His shoulders tightened and then relaxed before Lee turned to look at her. "Don't pair Racetrack and Helo because Racetrack's still got a _huge_ grudge against the Cylons. Hot Dog and Duck shouldn't be on the same shift because their flying styles aren't compatible. And Kat can be paired with anyone except you, because she's got a major attitude that'll get on your nerves in less time than it takes to launch a Viper. Birch can't be CAG to save his life but he's a solid flyer, so he can be paired with everyone."

Kara mentally filed away the information. She hadn't realised how complicated scheduling the pilots could be, with required crew rest and breaks and a few entire days off. Kara didn't know how she'd handle being CAG.

Temporarily, she reminded herself. It's only temporary, and then Lee would be back at CAG.

Hopefully.

Lee didn't say anything else and she sighed and leaned back against the wall, next to him, their hands still locked on his leg.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part Three**

_"There is no such thing as justice, in or out of court." ~Clarence Darrow_

The Commander knew how to make an entrance.

Lee watched, amused and just a little angry, as his father swept into the conference room, nodded regally to the judicial panel, and seated himself in the witness chair. He'd taken over the room without lifting a finger.

And Lee knew his chances of acquittal had decreased before his father even sat down.

Lee thought he was a decent public speaker. Most people agreed, despite his early fumbling attempts to brief his pilots after the Cylon Attack. If he was passionate about his subject, he was even better. But he didn't simply command attention entering a room.

Not like his father. Bill Adama had an innate command presence that demanded concentration and attention from his underlings.

Lee had never had that. Not ever. And it hadn't seemed to matter until a moment ago, when his entire life was on the line.

"Commander Adama." Captain Stanningfield seemed amused, as well, but Captain Celino was staring at his father in awe. Captain Littleton's face was still neutral. Lee didn't think he'd seen the expression on his face change during the entire court-martial.

Captain Celino's expression didn't bode well for Lee's fate, but he and his father both had to testify today. And Lee knew that Major Lamont was planning on throwing questions at the Commander as fast as he could.

"Captain Stanningfield." His father's voice sounded similar to hundreds of occasions over the years, when Lee had been waiting for punishments or praise-the former of which was more plentiful than the latter.

His father was sworn in and then Captain Stanningfield asked him to report the events from when he decided to send over the Marines to _Colonial One_. Lee's subsequent insurrection and escape weren't going to be remarked upon because the Commander had been unconscious for most of that time.

"President Roslin requested then-Lieutenant Thrace return to Caprica with a captured Cylon Raider to retrieve a religious artefact called the Arrow of Apollo. The President believed it would lead to a map to Earth and she'd discovered this information during a vision induced by the Chamalla extract she was taking for her cancer. I informed her she had overstepped her boundaries as the civilian leader of the Fleet and requested that she remove herself from her position. When the President refused, I ordered Colonel Tigh and Captain Adama to board _Colonial One_ with a squad of Marines to forcibly remove her from office."

Bill stopped for a moment, and glanced at Lee. He couldn't read his father's expression, but then he'd never really been able to. He thought it might have been regret but he couldn't imagine either Commander Adama or Bill Adama, father, feeling it. Lee stared back, looking him straight in the eye. His father had to do this and Lee had to listen and hope everything worked out in his favour. It was that simple. And the uncharacteristic hesitation worried Lee.

It was a William Adama rule. Never hesitate.

Lee had never quite managed it. When not directly involved in combat, Lee tended to analyse events and predict possible outcomes-both of which created hesitation. Lee called it caution; his father had nothing but derision for it. Bill Adama decided, acted, and was done in less time than it took for Lee to think of consequences to his actions.

"…and Colonel Tigh reported that Captain Adama said 'he was following his instincts'. Captain Adama was brought to the CIC at the moment Lieutenants Edmondson and Valerii arrived from their successful mission to destroy the Cylon Basestar. And then Lieutenant Valerii-who we now know is a Cylon-shot me twice in the chest. I woke up two weeks later to discover Captain Adama and President Roslin had escaped from the brig."

"Thank you, Commander," Captain Littleton said, rubbing his forehead. "Are there any questions for the Commander from the panel?"

All three judges remained quiet, and Lee's stomach dropped. Frak. Frakking hell. They'd bought it. Lee recognised the truth in his father's words but he felt there were some details that didn't quite add up.

Suddenly wanting to pray to Gods he didn't even believe in, Lee watched as Major Lamont stood up to cross-examine his father.

"Commander Adama, under Colonial law, does the President of the Twelve Colonies serve as Commander in Chief of the Colonial Forces?"

"Yes, but-"

"I believe that was a yes or no question, Commander." Major Lamont's voice was quiet but firm. "So, when President Roslin requested Lieutenant Thrace for this mission, it was a lawful order under Colonial Law?"

"Yes."

"If you could please explain to the court, then, how you decided it was necessary to remove the President from office by military force?" Major Lamont asked.

There was complete silence for a moment before his father huffed out a breath. Lee wondered what was upsetting his father more: his actions questioned or his son on trial. "In the first week after the Cylon Attack, President Roslin and myself made an agreement where she would be in charge of civilian matters and I would be in charge of military decisions. The use of the Cylon Raider-a piece of military technology-was a military decision. President Roslin overstepped her bounds according to our agreement."

Lee closed his eyes. If that turned out to be true-and Lee was fairly certain that, no matter what his father was, he wasn't a liar-his defence had taken a hit. A _huge_ hit.

His father was allowed to step down pending further questioning of Laura Roslin, which Captain Stanningfield would undertake and report back to the court.

* * *

Lee quickly exited the room before his father could speak to him. He walked down the corridor to the nearest head and entered, relieved when it was empty. Standing in front of a sink, Lee stared at himself in the mirror.

He could do this. He had to. He had to avoid emotion and be as detached as possible. Lee knew he had to be clear, concise, and firm. And confident, secure in the knowledge that his actions had been right decision.

Though he didn't quite believe it at the moment.

"Apollo?"

He jerked his head toward the entrance hatch to find Racetrack and Kara standing there, both of them staring at him like he'd lost his mind.

Maybe he had.

"Racetrack. Kara," he acknowledged, nodding toward them. "What brings you here?"

"Gaeta informed Dee, who told Cally, who told Chief, who told me, that you guys were on a break," Racetrack said. "Just wanted to let you know we support you."

Lee looked at her. "Thanks, Racetrack."

Racetrack nodded, smiling slightly. He knew that she understood it wasn't just for the support at his court-martial, it was for helping them escape. And Lee also knew-thanks to an unusually talkative Kat on CAP the week before-that Racetrack had helped hold the pilots together when Lieutenant Birch started frakking everything up.

"Captain Adama." She stood straight at attention and performed a textbook-perfect salute, which he returned just as formally. Racetrack turned and exited through the hatch as Lee blinked rapidly, feeling moisture starting to collect in his eyes.

"No one likes a sissy, Lee."

He turned toward Kara, who had one hip propped against the edge of the row of sinks, arms crossed, smirk on her face. Lee attempted to smile, but couldn't quite manage it. Kara frowned and took one step forward.

"I talked Major Lamont into speaking to the judges to allow for one spectator during your testimony. They didn't agree."

"You mean you bullied Major Lamont?" Lee asked, touched that she'd tried but not too disappointed that she hadn't succeeded.

"Talked, bullied," Kara waved her hand in the air. "It's the same thing."

"If you say so."

"I do," she said. She moved forward and placed a hand on his arm. "You're going to be fine, Lee."

"Like frakking hell!" Lee snapped. "It's not going to be fine, Kara. I'm hours away from losing my commission! I just watched my _father_ destroy my case. The father, by the way, who hasn't spoken to me in two days and not at all about anything personal since Kobol. And I know the _only_ reason you're not getting a court-martial is because you're not his daughter!"

At Kara's dumbstruck look, Lee scrubbed a hand over his face, then slumped onto the floor and leaned against the wall. Frak, he was tired. Tired of pretending he didn't suspect Colonel Tigh and his father had taken this personally. Tired of pretending everything was fine, or ignoring the fact he'd spent a day and a half listening to his decisions being deconstructed and examined for flaws. He _knew_ he'd done the right thing in disobeying the orders of the Commander and Colonel Tigh. Maybe his methods hadn't been the best but he'd felt he'd had no choice.

He just had to make the judicial panel believe it.

Frak.

"Frak you, Lee," Kara's voice was quiet. "You're not the only person in the entire Fleet with problems!"

He looked up. Kara was radiating restrained fury. She was pissed, really pissed, and itching to explode. Lee just stared at her, saying nothing, waiting for it, feeling guilt sweep through him. She'd been through a lot these past few weeks, too, and didn't deserve his anger.

"I've been a horrible friend lately, Kara."

She sighed, scrubbed her hands over her face. Kara looked even more tired than she had yesterday and Lee wondered if she was sleeping properly or if the nightmares were still getting to her. She hadn't told him about it, of course, but he hadn't been able to sleep one night and had heard enough to know Caprica was still getting to her.

"You know, Lee," she said, smiling a little, "I think it's allowed. And I'm frakking relieved, Lee. I'd been a little worried about how calmly you were taking all this. I'd be frakking pissed, yelling and screaming. You just seemed to accept it. What the frak is that all about, Lee?"

She was gesturing wildly as she spoke, emphasising her point. She looked flushed and angry and so much like Starbuck, like the _Kara_ he'd known before the worlds' end that he grinned at her, unable to help himself. Kara's face slipped from annoyance to confusion and he saw her rein in her emotions. She slid down the wall to sit next to him.

"Sorry," he said. "It's just…"

His voice trailed off as he tried to voice his thoughts, but Lee didn't quite know how to explain it. And he knew Kara wouldn't demand an explanation now that her anger had dissipated. He just sat there and stared at the wall. Kara placed her hand in his and he squeezed it in reassurance. They were fine. And it was almost over.

"Captain Adama?"

Major Lamont's voice floated into the room when the hatch creaked open. Lee sighed, gripped Kara's hand, and stood up.

"Right here, Major."

"Time to finish," Major Lamont said, still standing in the corridor outside the head.

"Good luck, Lee." Kara said and he nodded before walking through the hatch.

His lawyer was standing in the corridor, studiously ignoring the crew members who milled around the entrance to the conference room. He had his arms folded, brow furrowed slightly. "When we get back in there, tell the truth. Don't elaborate unless asked and, for frak's sake, get that defeated look off your face!"

Lee nodded and tried to smile. He wasn't sure he was successful but Major Lamont just huffed out what was either a laugh or a snort and pulled him back toward the room. Upon entering, he moved toward the defence table but Major Lamont pointed him toward the witness chair.

He took a deep breath, let it out slowly. Sat down and waited for the judges prompting.

"Captain Adama, you've been sworn in before the court," Captain Stanningfield said. "Any statement in your testimony where you knowingly lie will result in further charges. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Lee replied, pleased when his voice was steady.

"Very well. Please recount the events from the disappearing of the Cylon Raider with Captain Thrace piloting to the shooting of Commander Adama," Captain Celino requested.

"Lieutenant Thrace was flying the Cylon Raider in a scheduled weapons test when she jumped to Caprica. She had a conversation with Commander Adama before leaving, on a separate closed channel. Upon my return to _Galactica_, Commander Adama ordered Colonel Tigh and myself to board _Colonial One_ with a squad of Marines and remove President Roslin from office." Lee stopped for a moment to collect his thoughts.

How would he explain the actions he took next when he didn't quite understand them all himself? Lee worked through different explanations in his head but couldn't grasp one he felt comfortable with.

"Captain Adama?"

Lee started, and then glanced at Captain Littleton. "Sorry, sir. I was collecting my thoughts."

"Less thinking, more talking, please, Captain."

"Yes, sir," Lee said, wanting to shrink into his seat and simultaneously glad there were no witnesses. He cleared his throat and continued.

"President Roslin's security force was in front of her, and Colonel Tigh and myself were in front of the Marines. Colonel Tigh requested that the President relinquish her position and report to _Galactica_. The President refused and as the two groups stood there, weapons pointed at each other, I decided to act. I pulled my weapon and pointed it at Tigh. I said "we're not doing this" and moved toward the President. President Roslin then acquiesced to Colonel Tigh's request and we returned to _Galactica_, where I was escorted in handcuffs to the CIC." Lee's throat tightened and his chest suddenly felt heavy, pressure mounting. He drew in several deep breaths, trying to calm down.

The sound of the bullets whipped through his brain and he wanted to vomit. Lee could feel the blood on his hands and tried to surreptitiously scratch his hands, wanting them to be clean. His head was pounding and he couldn't breathe.

"Can my client have a moment, sirs?" Major Lamont asked when the silence stretched across the room, the only sound Lee's quick, slightly panicked breaths.

"Yes, of course," Captain Stanningfield said. "I am sure this is very difficult for him to discuss."

His head still tilted forward, Lee felt, more than saw, Major Lamont come up beside him. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't realise it would be this hard."

"It's fine," Major Lamont reassured him. "Even tough military guys like yourself need to stop and have breakdowns."

A weak laugh and several deep breaths later, Lee felt steadier. The helpless feeling he'd had standing in the CIC when his father was shot, unable to do _anything_, had suddenly overwhelmed him. He pushed back the feelings-again-and raised his head.

"I'm ready," Lee announced as Major Lamont went back to his seat.

"Lieutenant Edmondson and the Cylon we'd known as Lieutenant Valerii entered the CIC. Racetrack—Lieutenant Edmondson—shook the Commander's hand and then Boomer—Lieutenant Valerii—pulled out her sidearm and shot Commander Adama in the chest twice."

"Thank you, Captain. Major, did you have any questions for your witness?"

"Not at this time, Captain Celino."

"Good. Captain, please detail the events leading to your escape from the _Galactica_ with the President."

Lee tried not to fidget as the judicial panel looked at him, waiting for him to continue. This was the part of his testimony he was not looking forward to-he'd judged not one but _two_ superior officers in the space of two weeks and had defied them both.

He wondered what it said about him, that he could do something like that.

"While Commander Adama was in sickbay, Colonel Tigh was in charge. The Air Group is barely large enough to hold a full CAP schedule even with everyone healthy, so Colonel Tigh let me resume my post during my duty hours, after which I'd report to the brig. After we defeated the Cylons that boarded _Galactica_ I helped plan and execute the rescue mission for the crew and civilians stranded on Kobol. Colonel Tigh declared martial law and the civilian ships refused to re-supply _Galactica_ until President Roslin was released. Colonel Tigh sent boarding parties to the _Gideon_ to take the supplies by force, which resulted in several civilian casualties. The President and I decided we needed to escape the brig. Under duress, members of the _Galactica_ crew provided help in accomplishing the objective."

"Captain Adama," Captain Littleton interrupted, "are you saying that none of the crew members who helped you did so willingly?"

"Yes, sir," Lee replied. "That is correct."

"It seems awfully hard to believe that, with everything else going on, the crew wouldn't be willing to help."

"None of the crew helped willingly," Lee repeated. And he'd keep saying it until they believed him. The crew didn't need to get in trouble for this-not that Tigh was interested in the rest of them. But Lee knew a little about loyalty—despite his current situation—and he also knew that, no matter what happened to him, the crew would still need to work with Tigh and his father. And if Tigh found out who'd helped, Lee was almost certain that Tigh would make them miserable. Lee wouldn't allow that if he had a chance.

"You expect us to believe that, Captain?" Captain Celino didn't look any more inclined to believe it than Littleton.

"They're good soldiers, sir. Not willing to go against the orders of a CO even if they didn't like what was happening." Lee didn't elaborate and silence stretched through the conference room.

Captain Stanningfield cleared her throat. "I think that's enough on that subject, Captain. How did you and the President escape _Galactica_?"

"I requested a shutdown of a section of one of _Galactica_'s corridors for maintenance and slipped the request into a stack of papers for Colonel Tigh to sign. The corridor led from the brig to the Hangar Bay and I secured the help of the guards to secure the corridor and get the President to the Raptor. I ordered Racetrack-Lieutenant Edmondson-to inform myself and my guards that I was needed to fix a Raptor maintenance problem, remaining on duty and out of the cell. The Raptor that President Roslin, the priestess Elosha, and myself boarded had been cleared for a bogus medical mission and we left this ship and reached _Cloud Nine_ safely."

"And then you spent the rest of the time until your jump to Kobol on the _Astral Queen_ hiding in the Fleet?" Captain Celino asked.

"Yes, sir." Lee said, hoping they asked no further questions about his escape. There were holes, ones that wouldn't hold up if pressed. And he'd practically lied about Racetrack-he hadn't ordered her to say the Raptor had a problem-he'd only requested she come up with something to keep him out of his cell in the brig.

"Captain Adama, why did you break your parole agreement with Colonel Tigh?" That was Captain Stanningfield and it was the million-cubit question.

Lee took a deep breath.

"I believed Colonel Tigh to be an unfit commander. The _Galactica_ crew was on edge waiting for news of Commander Adama and Colonel Tigh's orders were increasingly erratic and dangerous to the crew. I fully believed that if President Roslin could speak to the civilian fleet, more unrest could be avoided."

"Instead, the fleet split down the middle," Captain Stanningfield remarked. "It seems your faith in the fleet was misplaced."

"It was the right decision," Lee insisted. "It had to be done. Things couldn't continue how they were."

No one else had any more questions and Lee couldn't help but wonder what else he could have said so they could understand why he had to do it. They'd listen to Major Lamont's closing speech, of course, and then decide his fate. Nausea nearly overtook him as he walked back to the defence table.

Major Lamont stood up to address the panel for the final time before they retired to make their decision on Lee's fate. "Sirs, the actions of Commander Adama and Colonel Tigh were not in keeping with the Colonial Military Code and as such, Captain Adama was not required to follow those orders. It is also clear that there are personal feelings involved against Captain Adama from Colonel Tigh, since neither President Roslin nor Captain Thrace received any disciplinary actions after their return from Kobol for committing similar acts. For these reasons, it is a grave injustice to Captain Adama to convict him of crimes he has clearly _not_ committed."

* * *

It took four hours.

Kara entered immediately after the judges left and sat down on the table, facing him. He'd scooted back his chair to allow her more room. He looked exhausted and relieved, she thought as she absently shuffled the Triad deck in her hands, but mostly anxious.

The small furrow in between his eyes told her that. If the judges decided against him, it would be the end of his career in the Colonial Fleet. He'd be on a completely different ship and they'd never see each other because she couldn't even imagine that Commander Adama would let her take a Raptor to visit Lee if he was in jail.

It was different, facing death and loss in the cockpit. Kara knew that she was viewed as reckless and dangerous in the air. But at least during a Cylon attack she had a chance. She understood Lee and how he thought. He'd been quiet since she entered and she knew he'd been running through the entire two days in his head, wondering if he could have done or said something differently.

"Lee," she said. "Stop thinking so much."

He glanced up at her, managed a small smirk. "Someone has to think around here."

She crossed her arms, flashed her best 'Starbuck' glare at him. "Are you implying I don't think?"

"Nope," Lee leaned forward, smirk still in place. "I'm _saying_ it."

Kara smiled to herself, relieved he could still joke and tease. Amazed that he would do so, but then she knew that humour was a wonderful way to deflect worry and attention. She did it, too.

A cough at the open hatch caught her attention and she shifted to see Jammer and Cally lingering in the hallway. She reached out and tapped Lee-who'd turned to answer a question from Major Lamont-on the shoulder.

"Cally and Jammer," she said in a repeat of a scene they'd already played five times.

Lee smiled and waved his hand at them, letting them know he appreciated their support. Each time the crew members would get his attention—no one was technically allowed in the room during a court-martial, though the judges had allowed one person during deliberation-he'd wave and smile and pretend the ground underneath his feet wasn't crumbling.

"Did you know," Kara began after Cally and Jammer left and the smile had left Lee's face completely, "that Duck and Nora have a weird 'thing' going on?"

"A 'thing'?"

Kara could _hear_ the emphasis he put on it. "Yes, a 'thing'. I heard it from Kat, who heard it from Cally, who heard it from Helo, who apparently heard it from Dee, who'd overheard when they'd discussed a date and/or a frak over a closed channel that Dee monitors." She sighed, loudly and dramatically. "The rumour mill wasn't too sure about whether it was a date or a frak, so…"

Lee laughed, and seemed surprised he still had it in him. "Knowing Duck, it's probably a date. Then a frak." He shook his head and added, "if it's up to Nora, it's a frak, _then_ a date."

"Frak yeah," Kara said. "Poor Duck and his sweet romantic heart."

She was pleased when Lee's smile remained. It was well known among the _Galactica_ pilots that Duck was a hopeless romantic. He'd often wake up in the morning with bouquets of flowers on his bunk from people had brought back from leave-usually as a joke-and he studied botany in his spare time to learn the meanings and significance of certain flowers.

If she was into romance, Kara thought, Duck would be perfect, grinning widely.

"If you were into romance, Duck would be a great boyfriend," Lee announced, startling her with how similar their thoughts had been.

"I'll let him know you're interested," Kara teased, completely unable to let the opportunity to slip by.

Lee had just opened his mouth to retort when the look of laughter on his face completely disappeared, replaced by what Kara termed his 'military mask'. The judicial panel had returned with the verdict

Kara slid off the table and into a seat at Lee's side, then glared at the judges, daring them to kick her out. All three of them pretended not to notice her so she gripped Lee's hand and squeezed it. It was cold and clammy. Kara's heart was pounding and she could only imagine how Lee must feel.

"Captain Adama," said Captain Stanningfield, who Kara remembered meeting on Colonial Day because she was tiny. "Could you please stand?"

Kara let her hand slip out of his as he stood, his eyes straight ahead and his posture rigid. She held her breath and, for a moment, it seemed as if all of _Galactica_ waited, silent and still. Kara shook her head at the fanciful thought and focused on Captain Stanningfield.

"We find Captain Adama guilty of mutiny and insurrection. He is hereby stripped of rank and sent to the _Astral Queen_ for a sentence of one year. Please report to the _Astral Queen_ in two hours. Personal belongings may be picked up from the brig and taken with Mr. Adama. Dismissed."

* * *

Guilty.

_Mister_ Adama.

He wasn't a Captain anymore, or even an officer.

Kara hugged him, tightly, and he patted her back, eyes still straight ahead.

Major Lamont shook his head, apologised, and Lee hoped he said something appropriate.

The judicial panel left quickly and Lee just stared, until one of the guards cleared his throat.

"Sir?"

The word cut into him, deeper than he'd thought possible. He had to leave. Wasn't a sir anymore, wouldn't ever be one again.

He didn't know what to do, where to look as he followed the guards through the corridors of _Galactica_ back to the brig. Words must have spread fast, he thought, as crew members whispered as he walked by.

They knew. They all knew.

Lee entered the brig after the guards, where he retrieved the duffle bag and packed up the belongings he'd spread out in his cell. Then he sat on the bed.

Stared into space, mind whirling.

His entire body felt numb. Even his face. Lee didn't think he could move. He'd gambled everything, his entire life, on one single moment. And he'd lost.

But he knew it'd been the right decision. And Lee also knew he'd do it again if he had to.

"Sir, it's time to go," Corporal Bennett said. "The Raptor is waiting for you."

"Thanks, Corporal," Lee said, surprised at how quickly the time had gone. He didn't bother to correct the man. He wasn't a 'sir' anymore, after all.

The corridors were strangely empty as he walked toward the Hangar Bay, especially considering the bustle earlier. Lee was a little relieved that no one would see him leave in disgrace.

His father hadn't come to see him. Kara had disappeared, too.

Lee sighed and hefted his duffle bag higher as he entered the hangar. He didn't want to see his father, anyway, Lee decided. It would only end badly.

As it always did.

But he would have liked to see Kara before he left.

"Attention on deck!"

Lee snapped to attention before he realised it was Kara who'd said it and that it was for _him_. The crew—nearly the _entire_ crew—saluted him. He dropped his duffle and saluted back. He wondered for a moment whether she'd get in trouble but decided she would have done it anyway.

Kara walked up to him and, in an uncharacteristic move, wrapped him in a huge hug. "I'll see you around, Lee."

"Yeah," he murmured. "See you around."

After a few moments she let go and he shook hands and received hugs all the way to the Raptor. The crew milled and stood around, waiting for him to leave. Showing their support for him. Lee was touched and more than a little embarrassed as he walked through the Bay. He knew the crew had supported him but it had only hit him this moment how much he'd grown to love and respect _them_. The twinge of regret that hit him was surprising but he pushed it down.

"Lee."

His father stood at the bottom of the Raptor's wing, perfectly still. Lee stared at him, aware the crew were only pretending to work while they eavesdropped on the scene.

"Dad," he said.

His father flinched slightly, then straightened. "I'm sorry, Lee."

Lee looked at his father, then scanned the hangar bay. He'd started to feel at home here, with these strangers that became his pilots and his father, no matter how it appeared to anyone else. And now it was done. Gone.

Finished.

"I'm sorry, too," he said, and boarded the Raptor.

_End_

_"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." ~Maria Robinson_


End file.
